some of what I want to say

You seem to want “us” to be something far more infrequent and casual, and maybe nonexistant, than I do.  It’s been two weeks now since I heard from you last.  You don’t answer or return my carefully spaced phone calls, emails, or text messages.  And you’re the one who said that you “care about” me and want me in your life, you’re the one who said you wanted this to be a long-term relationship.  Apparently you and I have different definitions of the word “relationship.” 

You are incomprehensible to me.  The thankful tears and clinging hug, and the achingly tender look at the retreat in May just do not match up with most of the rest of your actions toward me. You are a bundle of mixed signals, and I cannot even begin to try to unravel your true feelings or intentions. 

I talked to a friend about all of this last night, and she probably summed it up pretty well: you’re a good guy with a lot of baggage, who will say what you think I want to hear because you don’t like confrontations or the thought of hurting someone. 

But I gotta say, the gradual let-down technique for ending relationships is not the way to go with me (nor is ignoring me until you have nothing better to do – you know I do not want to be some girl you fuck and forget about when I’m gone), and I thought I made that pretty clear in May.  I prefer a quick stab to a slow poisoning.  Don’t ruin the good memories I have of you.  And do me a favor and give me the respect I deserve by being as upfront and unflinchingly honest with me as I am with you.

If you want me to be a part of your life, let me in.  If not, do us both a favor and just fucking own up.