could be

Dev thinks that Vash is a jerk.  He very well might be.  I’ve definitely let my opinion of him be colored a bit too much by the all-too-brief fabulousness of our encounters last year, and some tiny lovely moments in more recent times.

Also, though, I probably overreact to some of his behavior.  Every small thing that isn’t overwhelmingly positive feels like a rejection to me.  If it’s been two or three days since he’s called, I start thinking that he doesn’t really want to date me at all, and that he’s never going to call me again.  Part of the problem with the relationship, such as it is, with him is that I need practically constant reassurance.  And even if he wasn’t probably a jerk, I know that would not be his bag anyway, he would find the neediness too stifling.

The friend I talked with the other night thinks I should just forget about him and find someone better, that I don’t really like him anyway, that I just like the idea of him, the could-bes and the fantasy of the relationship we could have if he actually gave a crap.  There is some truth in that.  The little tastes that I’ve had, the glimpses of the wonderfulness that is possible with him are incredibly seductive, but much too rare.